Hippotherapy

Parker had his first hippotherapy appointment last week and it was wonderful!  A little bit about hippotherapy for those of you that would like to know more:

First and foremost, there are no hippos involved.  :)  A friend of mine said I should not tell Parker we are going to hippotherapy because he will be very confused when he sees a horse!  I found out that "hippos" is Greek for horse, in case any of you are wondering where it came from.

Anyway, hippotherapy is a physical, occupational, or speech therapy treatment strategy that utilizes the multidimensional movement of a horse.  It uses the movement of the horse to influence the client's posture, balance, function and sensory processing.  The horse's pelvis moves in the same three ways as a human pelvis does creating a movement pattern similar to human walking.  This type of movement cannot be replicated in the typical clinical setting.  For some riders it's the first time that they have been able to feel what walking is like. 

Hippotherapy is beneficial for a wide variety of diagnoses and impairments including:

• Autism
• Cerebral Palsy
• Developmental Delay
• Sensory Integration Dysfunction
• Language Disabilities
• Multiple Sclerosis
• Down Syndrome
• Spina Bifida
• Traumatic Brain Injury

I had first heard about hippotherapy when Parker was first diagnosed.  A friend told us about it, but when we did our research we found out that a client needs to be 2-years-old to do the therapy.   I couldn't wait until that day that we could get Parker in there!  I have grown up around horses and was so excited to try out this type of therapy.  And it didn't let me down.

After doing a 30 minute evaluation of Parker inside the office, the physical therapist (Laurie) took us out to the barn.  It was an  extremely windy day so all the horses were  in their stalls and they were restless.  The wind was so loud and the horses were feeling cooped up.  I could feel the energy in the air.  So I was a little worried.  Would Parker's horse be a little skittish?  Well, that was cleared up pretty quickly. 

Laurie took us straight to Blessy's stall and introduced Parker to him.  I put Parker's hand on his soft muzzle and Blessy just stood very still and welcomed Parker with his big liquid brown eyes.  Parker smiled.  I knew Blessy would be a good fit.  We went into the arena and Parker was put on Blessy's back.  There wasn't a saddle.  They just used a pad so that Parker could feel the horse's movements.  Laurie was on one side of Parker, another woman was on the other side and there was a third leading the horse.   

I wasn't allowed in the arena and I thought surely Parker would start crying when they led him away from me.  Nope.  Parker did not cry, but I did.  Ok, I didn't start sobbing like I thought Parker would.  But tears came to my eyes as I saw my little man riding Blessy.  I don't know why it got me.  Maybe because for the first time in his life he could feel what walking is.  Maybe it was that I could see the smile on his face.  Maybe it was because I could see him working so hard to say sitting up and holding his head up.  (which isn't easy with a riding helmet)  Either way, I dried my eyes before he came back around to me.  I waved and cheered him on.  He was focusing so hard he barely noticed.  I took some pictures on my cheap little camera but they didn't turn out very good.



After the session, Parker got to take Blessy back to the grooming station and feed him treats.  I love this part because they really want the kids to know that they need to take care of "their" horse and thank them.  Parker reached out for Blessy's face and I helped place his hand on his cheek.  Then Blessy gave love nibbles to Parker's hand (just lipped him).    Next time we are going to bring some treats for Blessy.  I know the usual snacks for horses are carrots and apples.  But the therapist told me that horses also love peppermint!  Anyone know of any other special treats we can bring our little horse?

If anyone out there is looking for a new therapy, I would strongly recommend hippotherapy.  Not only will it be amazing for Parker physically, I think emotionally it will be the best type of therapy for  him (along with ABM).   He loved it!  He had a smile or a very focused face the whole time.  There was no crying or frustration that often comes with regular physical therapy.  We have only gone once, but I am sold.  I will keep updating you and letting you know the progress he is making.

Another good sidenote, they can bill insurance because it is a trained physical therapist that you are working with.  It is considered a therapy session.  We are not going that route because we are only allowed 30 therapy visits per year, and that includes speech, physical, and occupational therapy!  Ridiculous, I know!  So we are going to pay out-of-pocket for the hippotherapy because it is more affordable than our other types of therapy.  Our occupational therapy appointments at one facitlity (that we don't go to anymore) cost $408 (for an hour).  Hipportherapy is $35/15 minutes.  So we are just going to do 30 minute sessions (especially since Parker is so young).  $70/week is still expensive, but we are going to find a way to make it work. 

I will let you know how it goes.  Please feel free to email me if you have any questions.

Don't Forget You!

*Again, this post was written a week ago, so it is a little out of date.

I don't write posts just about me.  This blog was intended to be about my sweet boys and our journey through the life of "special needs".  However, I had such a great experience last weekend, that I just have to write about it.   And let's be honest, even when I am writing about my kids, it is still about me. 

I am turning 40 soon, March 1st to be exact.  Now with turning 40, you know that someone is going to have a big party for you - usually they turn out to be surprise parties.  So I go into January knowing this and discussing it with my husband.  He is an amazing man and I know he will try to do something extraordinary for my special day.  I was really worried that he would try to do a surprise party.  I was worried because I don't think he would even begin to know how to contact my friends.  That is the other challenge.  I have many different groups of friends.  I have some close friends, work friends, twin mama friends, daycare mama friends, and many of these Jimmy doesn't even know.  So I told him straight out, don't try to plan a big party.  "Seriously, honey.  I don't need that."  I also told him that I didn't want him to plan a trip to Vegas to celebrate.  I know that one of my good friends would have definitely encouraged him to do that.  And  although it would be fun, it was too expensive.  I really didn't want to spend money on a trip to Vegas when I could put that towards therapy for Parker.  I was so serious about my thoughts that I also told my mom so that she could influence Jimmy appropriately. 

So a few weeks ago he told me that he had a weekend planned for us to celebrate my birthday.  It was going to be early (Feb. 18th) because he had to find a time that would work with his coaching schedule.  Feb. 25th he thought he may have a play-in game and March 3rd is a possible play-off game.  So he told me that we would have a night at a hotel (thanks to the United Cerebral Palsy respitality program) and my  mom would watch the boys.  I was so excited, but a part of me was a little sad that I wasn't going to be celebrating with any friends.  I didn't want a huge party, but I was kind of hoping to at least meet up with a few friends for dinner or drinks.

Saturday came and my sweet husband informed me that it was "my day".  He had scheduled a massage and blow-out for me at one of my favorite spas.  After the most amazing massage and a less amazing blow-out, I came home and got ready for our night out away from the boys.

My mom came over and after finishing getting ready I came downstairs to her feeding Parker  his bottle.  And then I hear a knock at the door...

It was one of my best friends from high school and her husband, also a friend of mine from high school.  Now, I wasn't too surprised. Although they do live in Seattle, they come down to our area often to see family.  They also have 2 older boys and are extremely generous so they always have stuff to drop off for us. So when they showed up with a bag of clothes for the boys, I was happy to see them but not too suspicious.  But then the doorbell kept ringing.   And one after another, my best friends, my life long friends from high school kept showing up.  These friends came from Seattle, Corvallis, Medford and San Fransisco.  These friends...they are the best.  I cried each time a new one showed up.  

Now I need to insert a little aside here about these friends.  These are the type of friendships that are very rare.  I realize that not many people have life-long friends they still keep in touch with from high school.  Most made those friends in college.  Not me.  We have this amazing group of friends from high school that time has not affected.  We used to try to get together at least once a year, but with growing families this has become much more challenging.  However, these are the friends that I know I could call and they would be there for me at the drop of a hat.  We support each other, love each other and are fiercely loyal.  Even if we go a year or two without seeing each other or talking, we pick up with each other like no time has passed.  I love these people.

I just kept saying to Jimmy, "These are the best people ever!  How did  you do this?"  It was so amazing.  I kept looking around and couldn't believe that they all had come here for me.  It meant more to me than anything in the world. 

Everyone was able to meet our sweet little boys while we hung out at our house and had pizza and drinks.  My husband had made an amazing slide show of my life, which brought many of us to tears.  And then we all left to go out for a night on the town. 

This night on the town included many fun things, most  hilarious of all was that all 10 of us squeezed into a 6 person limo as we were driven around to our many destinations.  And we are not small people.  My husband is 6'8" and at one point when he was sitting in the middle on the cooler, we actually had to open the sunroof so that he didn't have to hunch down.  Just his head was sticking out -  it was like Harry and the Hendersons! 

   

We played pool and shuffle board, we went to a dualing piano bar (by far the best place), our guys did Elvis impersonations, we sang, we danced, we ate cupcakes, and we made great memories.  It was one of the best days of my life so far (after my wedding and the births of my boys.)

The funny/worst thing about it was that we had this great hotel to go back to.  No kids.  We could sleep in as long as we wanted to!  The blackout curtains are drawn, the bed is comfy, I fall asleep quickly at around 2:00 AM ...only to wake up at 5:45!!!!  Then I layed there in bed trying to will myself to fall back asleep.  But I couldn't.  I. Was. Awake.    Getting up and making bottles at 5 AM has been what I have done for the past 2 1/2 years, even on the weekend, so my body says "Get the hell up, Marcy!" - even when I don't have to.  Sigh...
So I  layed there and replayed the events of the previous day while listening to my  husband sleep soundly next to me.  And I was  happy. 

The night was filled with great friends, good food, good drinks, and some very funny moments.  There was not one minute when I worried about Parker's therapy, or if he would talk, or how he was eating, or when we would get a wheelchair for him, or how we would find a house that is one-level and accessible to him, or what pre-school/daycare would look like for him.  I didn't worry about Brady and finding a good pre-school for him, or if he would grow up resenting the fact that Parker naturally gets more attention.  I didn't worry about Ryder and his lack of interest in eating, or the fact that he is the third child and does not have near as many pictures and videos as the twins did when they were babies, or that, God forbid, he also would resent the extra attention Parker gets.

That night, I was not the mom of 3 baby boys, one with cerebral palsy.  I was just that lady in the bar turning 40 - and it felt good.  It felt good to be 40 (although technically I wasn't yet) and it felt good to be just a lady out partying with some friends.  I can't even remember the last time I did that.

This would be my wise advice for parents of children with special needs (now that I am 40, I consider myself wise):   Don't forget to nurture YOU.  Not you as a mom or dad, but just you.  Yes, you are a parent, and if you have a child with special needs, that can be all-consuming.  But you have to take care of yourself and remember that you are still an individual.  Don't forget about you.  Take some time to read, or write, or run.  Go out with some friends.  Snuggle with your spouse.  Walk in the sunshine.  Get a massage.  Do all of these things.  Your sweet kids will still be there (along with all the worries) when you are done. 

Now if I was really wise, I would take my own advice.  Let's see how that goes.  Writing on this blog has given me enjoyment, but I have been a real slacker.  I just can't seem to find the time.  I know that many people commit to writing a post every day for a month.  That I can't do.  However, I am going to commit to writing more.  (I know, pretty vague, huh?) 

Including Parker

*This post was started 2 weeks ago, so it is a little out of date. 

Well, I have not been very disciplined about blogging.  I had a feeling that would happen.  I just can't ever seem to find the time.  I don't know how you  busy moms do it!  Kudos to all of you!

Last weekend, my husband and I went to a viewing of "Including Samuel".  I would recommend this highly to anyone who has a child with special needs, to anyone in education, to anyone who has a child in the schools, to anyone, period.  It is a wonderful documentary about inclusiveness in education. 

I had many different emotions as I watched it.  First and foremost, I did what I always do.  I watched closely every detail of Samuel and compared him to Parker.  I always do that when I encounter anyone with cp.  I so badly want to know what Parker will be like as he gets older.  In fact, there was an ADORABLE little boy who also came to watch the movie with his parents.  He was in a wheelchair, but was holding his own water bottle, munching on some snacks and talking.  I couldn't take my eyes off of him!  He seemed so happy!  I so wanted to go ask his parents his age and pray that Parker could be that happy and verbal at his age.  So  there I was watching him out of one corner of my eye and the movie out the other corner.  Luckily he was up front and to my right so I could easily see both!  I wonder if his parents noticed me staring, and if so, I hope they realized that I was staring with admiration.
 
One emotion that I really felt was embarrassment.  I was embarrassed or rather ashamed that I hadn't thought about this important topic before, and I WORK in a school district.  Inclusiveness was not taught in my Master's for teaching program.  We had never had an in-service training about it at work.  It never crossed my mind...until I had a child with special needs.  Why is that? 

Another emotion that I started to feel was panic. I started to panic because I want to find an amazing school that has this type of inclusive environment for Parker, Brady and Ryder to go to.  Then I start doing the math - they will be in school very soon!  Are there any schools like this in the Portland area?  I don't know, but I am determined to find out.  I hope that I can find some amazing schools in a small community.  That is my dream for the boys.  I want them to grow up with a community of love and support around them.  It is hard to find that feel in bigger city like Portland.  You have to find just the right area that has that "small town feel" and then hope that they have good schools.   And of course the housing market is horrible, so that makes me panic also.  If only I could win the lottery...

The topic of inclusive schools also brings me to the topic of inclusive daycare/preschools - which we are in the hunt for right now.  It is sad to me that it is so difficult to find a preschool that could offer the right environment for all of my sweet boys.  I hate that I may have to separate them!  I hate even worse the fact that I can't seem to find a good place for Parker at all.  I would love to start my own preschool/daycare.  It would be staffed with amazing, loving teachers.  It would have physical, occupation and speech therapists.  There would be animals, and an outdoor play area that Walt Disney would envy.  It would be brightly colored with windows everywhere to let in the light.  We would have typical developing kiddos (if there really is such a thing) and differently-abled kiddos.  There would be music and field trips and guest visitors.  There would be crafts and learning and sharing and most of all, laughter!  Aahhhh...what a perfect world that would be.  All of my kids would be included, even Parker.

Silence

I am a middle school counselor.  That is right.  I work with a very challenging age group and I love it!  I also get to teach an advisory class each day, which is a class of 27 students.  Not just any 27 students.  My class is quite the mix of kids.  I have a rough and rowdy group of about 8 boys who are the picture of insensitivity.  They don't mean to be.  I honestly think they just don't think about it.  I have a group of "cliquey" girls, 2 self-proclaimed loners, some very high-achieving academic types, and then many in between.   Even though there is a quite a variety of kids, they are all amazing in their own way.

All year I have been wanting to show them this youtube video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iSlok6muY0   However, I have been putting it off for several reasons.  Number one, I can't seem to watch it without crying.  And something about crying in front of 27 of my students does not appeal to me.  I picture me wiping away tears as they look at me with that "whatever" attitude that only middle schoolers can do.  And although in reality I know that wouldn't be their response, I still prefer not to cry in the classroom.  The other reason that I had put it off is that I wanted it to be the perfect lesson.  I wanted to combine it with great discussion and activities. 

Each month we have different themes.  January's theme was "thoughtful / respectful".  I decided that it would be the perfect month to introduce this video and lesson around the "R" word.  The "R" word is used often at this age, and I truly believe it is because they are not aware of the negative impact it has.  Well, yesterday was the last day of the month and I had finished my "perfect" lesson plan and decided to do it!

I was a teacher for 6 years before becoming a counselor, so I have been in front of kids for the past 12 years.  I love being with kids in the classroom and I never get nervous teaching a lesson.  Not the case yesterday.  I had the jitters.  I was excited and nervous.  How would they react?  How would I react if they didn't react like I wanted them to?  What if they reacted badly to my reaction of their non-reaction?!?!?

I began my pre-video discussion with some reflection questions for them.  Already one of my "wild boys" stifled a laugh into his sleeve.  I snapped.  This is not the day to mess with me.  I explained to him very loudly and with that teacher scowl on my face that this topic is very serious.  If he could not handle it, I invited him to go spend the class in the office with the vice-principal.  Now they know I am serious, because I don't send kids out of my classroom.  I am pretty sure there was smoke coming out of my ears. 

We had a good discussion.  At the end of the discussion I shared with the class that this topic is very personal to me because I have a son with cerebral palsy.  I put a picture of my sweet little man up one the screen and asked them if they would call him the "R" word.

No response.  I started the video.  Now I am thinking, where do I stand.  Should I go to the back of the room so they can't see the tears in my eyes?  Should I step out into the hall?  No.  I stayed right where I was in the front and to the side and watched the video as I silently prayed not to cry. 

The video was done.  I turned off the computer and there we sat, still in the dark, In.  Complete.  Silence.    That's right, my class who is NEVER quiet - was silent.  I finally asked someone to turn the lights on.  There were a few girls who had tears on their cheeks. 

In my "perfect lesson" I had great follow-up discussion questions and an activity.  Not needed.  I asked for thoughts or comments instead.  It was still quiet.  I just let us sit in this silence for a while.  Then before the end of the period I shared with them some ideas about how we can end the use of the "R" word.  I also shared with them some great ideas that I had gotten from other moms with children with cp on how to treat their kids. 

Our theme for February is "Diversity" so you can bet that I will be incorporating people who are differently-abled.  I am sure that I will toil over making a "perfect" lesson again.  However, I have come to realize that less is sometimes more on these types of days.  There is nothing more powerful than sitting with a group of young teenagers...in silence.

One Bite at a Time

So last night I had a little epiphany.  We had some friends who we have not seen in a long time drop by.  In fact, they have never met the boys so it was great to see them and their sweet little girl!  However, their stay extended into the boys' dinnertime.  And as you may know about me, I have a very set schedule especially around feeding times.  This is not a neurosis in me, (well maybe it is a little) it is actually a necessity to make sure that Parker gets the calories that he needs, gets practice eating solids, and doesn't have too much in his stomach at any given time which might make him throw up.   (read Zoo Light Chaos for more of my non-neurotic schedule following dilemmas)

So anyway, 5:00 ticks by and I don't start getting their dinner ready.  I think it is a little rude to do that when we have company over and the kids are playing.  I didn't want to rush them out of our house.  5:15 comes along and I start feeling a little antsy, so I go ahead and figure out what Parker will have for dinner.  I see a Sprout package of vegetable lasagna in the cupboard.  Yes, I often use packaged food for him.  BUT, it is all organic, and this particular one is 180 calories!  It is great.  It is a step 3, but I just put it in my trusty Magic Bullet and...voila - a good calorie dinner for my little man.  So anyway, back to my story.  I do just that.  I put it in the bullet.  But then I look over at the kids and they are all having a good time so I just don't have the heart to pull Parker out of that mix yet just because it takes him longer to eat his dinner.

Finally at 5:30 I decide to put Parker in  his high chair, turn the Moose CD on at a low level, and work on feeding him his dinner.  Our kitchen is open to our family room, so we still are a part of the activities and conversations.  So I am feeding him and talking, feeding him and preparing Brady's dinner, feeding him and dancing to the Moose CD.  And the next thing I know, he has finished the whole dish, all 5.5 oz of it!  And it didn't take very long.  We were probably done in about 20 minutes! 

To give you a little bit of history about feedings:  they have been my nemesis!  Seriously, we have been in occupational therapy for a year just for feeding issues.  We have done everything imaginable to help Parker eat.  We have had 2 swallow studies, both of which the results were never great.  We have used special spoons and other various eating utensils.  We have tried warm foods, cold foods, spicy foods, sweet foods, smooth foods, textured foods, foods foods foods.  (I realize that I am sounding like Dr. Seuss here)  I can't tell you how many times I have sat and actually cried while trying to feed him because it was so hard.  He would either spit it back out (not on purpose) or gag and throw up.  It used to take 45 minutes to get a very small amount down.  It was so frustrating that something so seemingly simple (I now know there is nothing simple about eating) could be so hard.  And the specialists didn't make us feel much better.  The occupational therapist told us that instead of getting better, it can get much worse because as Parker grows it will be more challenging for him to swallow and control those muscles.   I hate to admit that I started to dread feeding Parker his solids. 

And without even knowing it, that dread has disappeared.  I have been telling my husband for the past month or so that Parker has gotten so much better.  But I guess I have never really stopped and thought just how far he has come.  It used to be that I couldn't even get a whole packet of food down him.  Sometimes I would be lucky to get 2oz. down.  We always had half used packets in the refrigerator.  Not so anymore!

I stopped and thought about it.  How had I missed this big accomplishment?  Maybe because it came slowly over time.  Little by little he got better at chewing and swallowing.  Little by little more food was going in and less was coming out.  Little by little.  I have to remember that with everything that he does (and all my boys for that matter.)  Things do not happen over night.  As much as I wish it would sometimes.  So, he is still not sitting up on his own.  That's right.  But he has improved.  He is now holding his head up and controlling his trunk better.  I can sit near him and not hold on to him every second.  Eventually, that will lead to him sitting up on his own one day.  BUT, in the meantime I need to celebrate the little by little that he is doing. 

My husband, who was a serious track and basketball athlete in college, had a coach who used to say "How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time."  First of all, I would like to say that I think that saying is disgusting.  Why would I want to eat an elephant??  OK, I get it, it is a metaphor.  But still...
Anyway, this is exactly how Parker goes about his life.  He it taking one bite at a time.  He is not going to finish that elephant tomorrow, or the day after.  But he will finish it, by God, he will.  Little by little my beautiful son will finish his elephant.  But for today, I will cheer on this one bite.

Parker gets messy, but gets the job done!

Brady insisted on wearing his new hat and gloves to dinner!

Moose Don't Moo

Ok, so I have not been very good about keeping this blog that I just recently started.  This is what happens.  I get on the computer all ready to start writing...and then I look at the blog updates from others that I follow, I get reading and reading, and the next thing I know my "time"is up and I here the kids stirring.  And, oh yah - I still haven't made the bottles! 

So, I just did some reading, but I am going to cut it short so that I might get a little written on my own.

I have to tell you about the funniest of Parker's recent accomplishments.  He loves to say "moo".  He started by just saying kind of a "ma" or "mo", but it has since developed into a very distinct "moo".  And he knows what it means.  We often say "Parker what does a cow say?" and he will in turn give us a resounding "moo".  I always smile.  I also smile because Brady is loudly saying "moo" also.  Like, "duh, mom!" 

Parker has developed such a liking to his new word that he even woke up from his nap peacefully (for a change) and was quietly mooing in his crib.  Really?  Just melts my heart. 

But the kicker of it all was the other night as I was feeding them dinner.  Both Brady and Parker love music and so often I will put on their moose CD, which Grandma got for them in Montana.  (the BESTkids CD ever!) Well, one of the songs is called "A Moose don't Moo"  and the lyrics go something like this:

Moose don't moo the way milk cows do.

That is about all that I can remember.  But it repeats this chorus often and there are many "moos" throughout the song.  Well, Parker wanted to chime in.  He just kept saying "moo" throughout the whole song with a big smile on his face.  So here I am trying to feed this child (who struggles eating as it is) and he is mooing.  That's right, he has a mouthful of pureed lasagna and is smiling and mooing.  I started laughing, he started laughing, Brady started laughing, even Ryder was squealing.  It was such a hilarious moment.  So we took a break from the lasagna and sang and danced around the kitchen for the rest of that song.   Because maybe moose don't moo...but my Parker man do! 


This is not an advertisement.  I just love this CD and would recommend it. 

Zoo Light Chaos

(This was written on Dec. 20.  Just a bit behind posting.)

So, yes, we decided to venture out and take all 3 boys to the Zoo for the Christmas lights.  I have always heard about the display but in the 20 some years that I have lived in Portland I have never been to see them.  I am looking for new holiday traditions to start with my family and this seemed like a good place to start.   Now, anyone who knows me knows that I have a very set schedule with my kids and thrive off of keeping to it.  So stepping outside of this routine is very difficult for me.  I realize that the kids will not die if they don't eat  dinner at exactly at 5:15, have their milk and cartoons at 6:30 and be down for bed by 7:15.  Yes, I get that.  And before I bash myself too much, I would like to say that a schedule has been necessary to survive twins (one with special needs) and then a new baby as well.  Although my husband sometimes gives me a bad time about my craziness of sticking with a schedule, he sure didn't complain when I had them all sleeping 12 hours at night by 3 months-old.  But I digress...where was I?  Oh, yes, I was explaining that it is a big thing for me to agree to throw everything off by doing an outing that I can't plan around our times. 

To find parking and to even get in without waiting in line for hours, we had to get there when it was still light out, at 4:30.  That means that we would need to leave our house by 4:00 which really means loading up by 3:45.  (I have learned that I am always about 15 minute behind what I planned because of forgetting about the "loading time" involved with 3 little guys and all of their stuff!) 

Well, we were actually driving down our road by 4:06, which is pretty darn impressive.  The car ride there was fine, which is always a good sign.   We found parking quickly, which had me relieved.  And my parents were there at exactly the same time as us!  It was going to be a good night!  

Because we are zoo members we were able to skip the line and scoot right in.  First things first, I have my mom take a family picture of all of us before anyone breaks down.  (I know my kids.)  Then I am already stressing out.  Should we go into the restaurant now and feed them the food I had packed, or do we wait?  It is only 4:30 and they usually don't eat until 5:15ish.   Now this is where things are different for my family.  If we had 3 typical kids I would not worry.  They could eat after we see the lights - while we are seeing the lights - on the drive home - or when we get home late.  Or if push came to shove, they could just have snacks instead of a full dinner.  BUT, Parker has special needs.  This fact that keeps getting thrown in my face.  Eating is a big deal for him.  Not only is he extremely under weight, but it is hard for him to eat even pureed foods.  So, the food situation is always a challenge.  He needs to eat.  And he needs to eat on schedule.  Because if he eats his solid dinner too late, then he won't be hungry for his bottle (formula) that comes later and that is a main source of  his nutrition.  And if he eats too early, he won't be hungry because he just had a bottle at 3:00.  (you see why I have a schedule, right?)  And he needs to have a proper chair and space to eat.  You can't just hand him a cheese stick or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the go.  I decide to wait.  We can always come back to the restaurant.  But we should get in line for the train, which is supposed to be a big hit. 

We did get in line and it wasn't too long, so I shouldn't complain.  However, the boys started to lose it.  I am not sure why, but Ryder, my very easy-going 6-month-old decided to start crying.  I am so glad that he is normally very easy-going, because his cry is more like a very loud squeal/whine.  It is very hard to describe, but it is not good.  At the same time, Parker also decided he was not happy and began wailing (yes, wailing). 

(this is the beginning of the wailing session.)

It was quite a scene.  We are stuck in a packed line of people (picture Disneyland lines that weave back and forth) while 2 out of 3 of my kids are screaming at the top of their lungs.  Brady (my typical developing 2-year-old) decides to take advantage of this and run off down the line of people.  Luckily my wonderful parents were there and my mom was able to get him.   As I looked around, I was sure that I would find some other kids that were fussy or crying.  But no, it seemed only mine were upset.  How can that be?  Oh, wait!  I see another little girl crying.  (Why does that make me happy?)  But she is quickly consoled when her mom joins her and her dad in line.  Now we are for sure the only family with crying kids.  Ryder, I could see him crying.  He is a baby and didn't get his last nap.  But Parker...why does he have to get so upset at times?   Then I start thinking, maybe it won't be good for him to go on the train ride.  Am I ignorant to think  this event will make him happy?  I started over-analyzing all of my decisions for him right there in line for the train.  Am I forcing my idea of happiness on him, when really that is not what makes him happy?  Is it too loud for him?  Is he scared?  I looked at my husband, who  was also giving me that defeated look.  He said that he could take Parker and we all could go on the train without them.  I was about to go that route.  Then my mom took Parker from my husband and said "let me talk to him."  What did she say to him?  I don't know.  Maybe it was just her calm touch, but he quieted right away.  He seemed content waiting in my mom's arms and had fun and giggles on the train!  I wish I could say the same for Ryder who continued to cry throughout the whole ride.  (sorry people who were around us!) 

(Ryder, teary-eyed on the train ride)

After the rather over-rated train ride, we decided to do a quick walk around of part of the zoo.  Jimmy (my husband) carried Parker the whole time because he was not wanting to be in the stroller. I carried Ryder (who was still crying), my mom held on to Brady and my dad pushed the empty double stroller.  We took our obligatory pictures, walked through the beautiful  lights and then  got the hell out of there. 

As we walked quickly towards the exit I thought in my mind, Parker didn't get his dinner, we made quite a scene at the train, Ryder is clearly not happy about something, but next year will be better.  Yes, it will.  Next Christmas we will continue this new tradition, and it will be better...